Son of a Bitch
by Hell-of-a-bassy
Summary: Follows the end of season 8. Castiel is relatively human now, and he sure as hell isn't capable of actually acting human alone. Angels are falling, demons are rising, and Cas has to do his own laundry. It definitely qualifies as a 'son of a bitch' moment.


It was a beautifully tragic sight. A once in a thousand lifetimes event. Angels falling to the earth, deceptive in how similar to comets they appeared. The havoc they could cause...Castiel felt a foreign tightness at the back of his throat as he imagined the Earth in as little as two weeks time.

Now practically human, he felt empty. Redundant. Helpless. Feeling these new but vaguely familiar emotions, he headed towards the two distant figures of Dean and Sam.

They were experts on being human. They were also extremely knowledgable in...weird. They were his best chance at finding his grace again. Not consciously, but by instinct, he also knew that he had to be by them. He had protected the Winchester brothers for what felt like half of his lifetime, and knew that despite everything he'd done, they would return the favour.

As Castiel approached the boys and that damn car Dean loved so much, he saw their faces spark with recognition. Before they could state the obvious, Castiel spoke, 'Yes, I know what is happening. Metatron lead me to believe that the tasks i completed were in aid of shutting the angels in heaven, but clearly they had the opposite effect.'

'That son of a bitch.'

'Dean...Sam...,' Castiel drew in an uncomfortably human breath. 'The last task was forfeiting my grace. I no longer have my "angel mojo,"' he air quoted.

'Cas you stupid son of a bitch-'

'You say that phrase a lot,' said Castiel.

'No he's right Cas,' Sam hit him with his signature sorrowful eyes, 'Even if you thought trapping all the angels in heaven would somehow fix all the messed up crap that goes on up there, how could you just give up your grace like that?'

Castiel looked down in a depressingly human motion, 'I did not agree to it. He tied me down and took it by force.'

'...Son of a bitch.'

Sam gave Dean the bitchface, 'Are you stuck on a loop or something? Cas lost his mojo and all you have to say is "son of a bitch"?'

Dean took on an expression reminiscent of the bitchface, but all in all, it paled in comparison, 'What? It's a lot to take in y'know? What am I supposed to say? "I'm sorry for your loss"? "Deepest sympathies"?'

Castiel tilted his head to the side, 'Actually that would be nice. It doesn't sound right when you, personally, say it though. Coming from you, son of a bitch will suffice.'

Dean grinned, 'Thank you! What are we gonna do with Crowley?'

'I don't know,' Sam said, 'He's almost human, it doesn't feel right to kill him.'

'What do you mean he's almost human?' Castiel said, 'Did you not complete the redemption trial?'

'No he definitely did not,' Dean walked to the trunk of the car and picked up Ruby's knife. 'I found out from Kevin that finishing Father Of The Year's tasks would've killed Sammy.'

'I don't appreciate you calling God that Dean,' Castiel's expression changed a fraction of a fraction so that it looked ever so slightly reprimanding. 'But that is interesting. I believe we should observe Crowley's behaviour and base our actions off of that.'

'Second that angel-face lets go,' Dean paused and looked vaguely bewildered at what he just called Castiel, before following "angel-face" and Sam inside the church.

The decrepit church seemed appropriate for the decrepit and just a touch pathetic man-demon sitting in front of them.

'I want to be saved. Will heaven even take me?' Crowley looked into Castiel's eyes as he spoke. 'I've done terrible things...and I enjoyed them. Can I even -'

'Yeah yeah we get it,' Dean said, 'You're sad you were a bitch to everyone and killed probably thousands of people. Boo-freaking-hoo. What do you think?' He turned to Castiel.

Out came the bitchface. 'What I don't get a say in it? What makes "angel-face's" opinion more important than mine?'

'Shut your mouth Sammy,' Dean said, 'I'm asking you both.'

Castiel took on a thoughtful look, 'As you would say, he's a "son of a bitch". I believe we should kill him. It doesn't matter if he's more human or not. If you think about it, energy can not be created or destroyed, so "redeemed" or not, when a demon is killed its soul may well go to heaven.'

He turned his gaze up to be met by three pairs of raised eyebrows.

'Damn Cas, I didn't know you were majoring in philosophy,' Dean said, 'Where the hell did that come from?'

Castiel took on a contemplative expression once again. 'I don't know,' suddenly he looked up, alarmed, 'I think it's an effect of losing my grace. What if i'm becoming...what's the word...'

Dean's face snapped into a mirror of Castiel's. 'A hippy? Cas I saw a future where you lost your mojo, please for the love of God stay away from amphetamines and orgies.'

'...I will try.'

'Sooooo...' Sam said, 'Gank Crowley and prebook Cas a spot in rehab?'

Dean stabbed said demon in response.


End file.
